the cabal magazine madonna faces

Dear Madonna, I Am Ready for My Oral Sex

First of all, huge fan of your work and of the person you’ve become. I never miss a single Madonna Tweet, album release, press mention, or paparazzi photo. I’ve driven by your $28 million dollar estate in Beverly Hills several times on one of those double-decker tour buses and admired your economic humility and restraint, evident even in this extravagant rite of fame. Most importantly, … Continue reading Dear Madonna, I Am Ready for My Oral Sex

the cabal

Excerpt from “The Moderator”

In this video, Lilian is waiting for you on the couch, carefully poised in a violet bustier and knee-high stockings. She is twirling a strand of her hair, biting her lip with a single tooth. You wonder how long she’s been sitting there holding that pose, that face. In a normal universe—not if she were a different woman, but if you were a different man—you … Continue reading Excerpt from “The Moderator”

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Honest Horoscope: Thanksgiving Day, 2016

Aries (March 21 – April 19) This morning, moons Phobos and Deimos were seen slinking away from Mars after a 4.5 billion-year sham romance that they claim was never intended to be serious. According social media, your life is a whirlwind of love and sex and flirtation, but today, as you sit around the dining room table with your newly-married father, your younger sister and … Continue reading Honest Horoscope: Thanksgiving Day, 2016

The Cabal

We All Got a Little Bit of Ho In Us

There are a few songs on every album that we love less. Like middle children or unsalted fries or those blanched days between winter and spring, they lack a certain quality that is difficult to define but enough to cost our affection. In the age of internet radio, the problem is exacerbated. Most of the songs we hear are orphaned from their albums—from the stories … Continue reading We All Got a Little Bit of Ho In Us

the cabal

How to Write While a Toddler Drives an ATV Through Your Living Room

You wouldn’t think an electric “ATV” powered by a 6-volt battery and designed for a toddler would generate a lot of noise pollution, but you are wrong. You are wrong in the same way that you were wrong when you and your wife of less than a year thought her menstrual cycle was near the end when, in reality, it was half-way through, and she … Continue reading How to Write While a Toddler Drives an ATV Through Your Living Room